How do you deal with being a failure?
I had depression in the past months, COVID and side effects of my medication (mostly migraine everyday) which led me to taking a break from medication.
I thus handed in a thesis late for my uni class, which the professor said was okay but he will take it into consideration when grading me. In the end he let me fail the class without further notice or feedback.
It was really painful to write this thesis feeling paralyzing procrastination that felt like physical torture but eventually finished the 10 pages in two days. I'm mad at myself for not having been able to put in the effort earlier. Failing the class means the thesis wasn't good enough for the professor which I don't understand because another professor is going to publish it.
Failing this class means I have to retake the class which will be only offered in the next winter semester, meaning I need to study for another year until I can finish my master. I already study since winter term 2016 shocking but in my country not a rare amount of semester, rather the avarage.
I feel very depressed and with panic attacks now. I'm very close to finishing my studies but considing yet again quitting so close to the finish line. I don't know what to do. I consider taking a job and postponing finishing my masters when I have gotten a much needed distance (but eventually risking never going to finish my master). The past years of studying have been really rough for me ... spending more time with depression and procrastinating and little hours for uni stuff.
What can I do to get into a better state of mind. I don't see an end of this tunnel anymore. I get yet again the sense that if God put so many stones in my way, this must not be the right path for me? I study for so long that I have doubts if I even still want to be part of this career path.
Tldr; I failed an important class at uni, have to study yet another year longer and can't deal with my low self esteem to being such a failure.