Quarter life crisis? Identity crisis? Or just plain unhappy?
I’m going to be 36 this year, and cant shake this feeling that I’ve had for the last 5ish years: That I am not living authentically.
My gut tells me I’m not living a life that is true to myself, but rather one that lives up to the expectations of others—family, friends, professional supervisors, society. I don’t want to look back on my life and wish I spent my life differently.
I’m not a risky taker. I will always default to choices that make my life easier, because I struggle with confidence in myself to overcome difficult things. I rely heavily on others for an emotional support system. What I fear the most is regret.
I don’t know what my version of “authentic” is. And I’m sure that no one really does, until you just discover it at some point in your life. Some find it earlier than others I guess.
It’s so easy for everyone to say “just do it. Drop everything and live your life” as if it’s as easy as buying a new outfit. I don’t know who can afford to do that, but I can’t. Given today’s economic climate (I’m in the US), I don’t even have the guts to sell my house or find a new job, let alone uproot my life and go to live somewhere else just to “see if it feels right”. I feel like any lifestyle change is a MAJOR risk right now. Maybe it was easier 20 or 30 years ago, but right now sure as hell doesn’t seem like a good time for any change.
This is a heavy weight that I carry, day in and day out. I’m not unhappy, but I’m certainly not living my best life, either. I would say that my happiness feels “forced”.
Anyone else?