Advice for a future dad

I’m (M36) going to be a dad in 6 months.

Growing up in a high-conflict family, I’ve internalised a lot of behaviour which is not great for my wife. I’m trying to correct a lot of it, but I’m afraid I’m going to mess up, ruin my marriage and pass on my behaviour to future kids.

I didn’t want kids so quick into our marriage (just hitting 6 months), and I feel guilty and unprepared. Money is a worry with a bad economy and a mortgage to pay, so I’m picking up more shifts and I’m tired. So is she, and I don’t think I can burden her with more complaining.

She’s so sure of herself, she wants 2, she’s done all the research on prams, baby carriers, maternity appointments etc and I feel clueless and want to run away.

My dad is overseas and isn’t the best at talking about feelings. He’s helped so much to pay for our house and my car and we are starting to connect more, but there’s a long way to go and I don’t think I can depend on his advice when it comes to emotions or dealing with wife and kids.

Would be grateful for some advice or a pep talk, not just how to be a good dad but also a good partner and how to stay sane in the process.