Literally JUST had a baby 5 days ago, and my husband said I'm chubby..

Just gave birth to the most perfect baby girl 5 days ago.

In the past, about 3 years ago, I was deep in drunkorexia. At my lowest weight ever, and on the brink of death. Since then I recovered to a healthy bmi before becoming pregnant.

During pregnancy, I gained quite a bit. It was a horrible pregnancy, so I just ate my feelings away. I have a plan on how to lose it, but I have to be mindful because I am breast feeding.

Post partum hormones are kicking my ass... I've had some dark dark thoughts the last few days. Everything is just so much, that I've thought about giving up completely... already have a plan and all.. but im fighting these feelings with everything I got.

I approached my husband about how I've been feeling, and questioned if he still loved me, even though I feel so fat and ugly. He said "of course I love you. You may be chubby, but you're not fat, and i wouldn't change a thing about you!"

Like it's sweet.. but it triggers me.. im going to start my weightloss journey asap. Even if it's just walking until my doctor clears me to go back to the gym.

Im just so fucking sad..