Is this a dying friendship?
I (23f) have been friends with K (26f) for over 10 years. We're childhood friends, and i honestly consider her my best friend. Until recently... this will get long thanks for reading. For context we started hanging out when I was 12 and she was 15 going on 16. And this point in the story I'm 13 and she's 16. She recently got a boyfriend and asked me " how would I feel about giving head" my immature response was " ew that's gross I wouldn't want to be your friend if you did that " . Her response was to stop talking to me completely and befriend my sister since they were both in high-school and I was in middle school at the time. She would come over to my house and ignore me . This caused a drift and I let it slip to my sister that I no longer wanted to be her friend. Which my sister went and told her. A couple days later she broke up with her boyfriend and I marched to her house and asked if she was okay. * this is important for later * I didn't care that I was still hurt i just knew that I needed to be their for her. Afterwards we were okay but we were never as close as we used to be. Fast forward to college. She's 21 was attending college and I 18 was newly pregnant with my first child. We would only hangout if I asked her to. And when I talked to her about this she said that she was busy with school and work and was sorry. Fast forward 2 years I got separated, we are still friends, but again we only hangout if I asked her to. She never once checked up on me to see if I was okay, even when I was sexually harassed at work ( I made a post about it ) which she saw but never reached out. I felt very alone at the time. During this time one night we were drinking and she admitted to me that the reason she wasn't hanging out with me in college was because she was embarrassed that her only friend was 3 years younger than her, and that she wished she could make new friends. I'll admit I've never been a great friend, especially during my separation. I was an energy vampire, and could see that I was hard to be around. Now that I am back with my partner I noticed that we never hang out anymore unless I ask. She made a new Instagram account and followed everyone that is a part of this group but me. She doesn't have me on any socials anymore, and she would sometimes say that she would get tiktoks of " that person leaving a friendship because the other friend was an energy vampire " maybe this was her trying to send me a clue.. but I just didn't get it. Here are some things that she has done that bothered me.
- I am schizophrenic and during her college years she wrote an essay about me, but didn't let me read it.
- When we go out to drink she never checks if I get home safe. ( I always check on her to see if she's okay)
- I had a drinking problem yes I know it's my problem. But all our friend group was saying to not let me leave, and drive alone. Her response " i can't stop her. She's going to do what she wants to do "
- Doesn't reach out to me unless I reach out to her.
I know these things are minor and maybe I'm expecting too much . But that's the kind of friend I am. I show up. So am I wrong to feel like this friendship is just over with. What should I do? I've already had conversations with her..and clearly last time she lied to me about it.. am I just a bad friend.