Attraction towards Shiva-Shakti

This maybe a bit too detailed. But please bear with me.

Ever since I was a teenager, I had this inherent wish to visit Varanasi and Kashi Vishwanath. I had asked my parents back then, but it didn't materialise. I was not overly religious back then. More than Kashi Vishwanath, I was keen on visiting Manikarnika Ghats. I just wanted to sit at the Ghats for a long span of time. This image of me doing so, was fixed in my head. I am born and raised outside India, so I hadn't seen a cremation ground until then, so i dont know how my mind conjured up this image. And I honestly don't know why I had this desire to visit Kashi.

Shortly before my 23rd birthday, we had the good fortune of visiting. It was beautiful. I felt like I'd known the place forever. It felt like home and I didn't want to come back. This was in Feb 2024. I sat at the Manikarnika Ghat for around 3 hours. Just staring at the river and the funeral pyres. I was the only female there and for some reason, it wasn't scary or daunting. It. Just. Felt. Right. And it was exactly as how I had pictured it to be in my head.

Ever since I came back, I've found myself to be overly spiritual. I began loving Shiva like never before. Sometimes, I'm overwhelmed by emotions for Shiv Shakti and tears involuntarily start pouring out of my eyes. Again, this was all a foreign feeling for me, as I hadn't been overly religious until then. Still am not, I'm more spiritual than religious.

I wish to find a guru to teach me more about Shiva, Tantra, Sadhana. Anything that will teach me how to get closer to Shiva. I'm an avid reader and a Hindu. I know Shiv worship has to be treated very delicately, hence the ask for a Guru.

I've started doing Jap, Monday fasts. I'm keenly interested in knowing more and doing more. I was going through a lot when I found Shiva and His presence has always comforted me. I feel secure even when I see a Shivling or think about him. I feel humbled, in awe, in love. I consider Him to be a parent, a partner, a sibling, a friend, a mentor everything.

Can someone please explain why I feel this way and what should i do about it?