I Found a Vending Machine That Only Sells… Rocks?

Alright, fellow Spoon enthusiasts, I need some answers. I was wandering through a tiny roadside rest stop in the middle of nowhere, and I stumbled upon THIS: a fully functional vending machine… stocked exclusively with rocks. Not polished gemstones. Not cute souvenir pebbles with inspirational words. Just… plain, ordinary rocks.

And it gets weirder. The machine takes exact change only (who carries $1.37 in coins??), has a sign that just says “For those who know.” and a tiny sticker at the bottom that reads, “No refunds. All rocks final.”

Who is buying these? Is this some secret society initiation? A geologist’s elaborate joke? I caved and bought one (because obviously), and I swear it’s just a normal rock. No markings, no hidden compartments, just… rock.

Has anyone else seen one of these before? What is the purpose?? Or am I now cursed with the burden of the Mystery Rock™?

— Edit: Okay, so I checked the rock under a blacklight, because why not… and now I have even MORE questions. It glows.