snooping into my bf's socmed account

problem/goal: i snooped into my bf's fb account bc of my insecurity.

context: my bf (21) and i (21) are together for already a year now. recently lang his ex fling sa previous work namin (before pa kami magkakilala) requested a follow to my ig. this is not the first time the this happened. since nung naging kami ng bf ko, may times na nagpaparamdam siya sakin at sa bf ko. so this early december, she did the same thing and this time, i dmed her asking if shes doing it on purpose. she denied. as an overthinker, this made me anxious. so tinanong ko siya kung meron ba siyang connection pa sa bf ko or kung nag uusap ba sila. she didn't say yes or no but she left me with a 👍 reaction to my question. i was gna ask a follow up question but then she already blocked me.

i didn't tell my bf about this encounter. i asked him if meron pa ba silang connection, the answer is always no. but im not satisfied. feel ko meron pang iba. everytime na mag aask ako ng assurance sa bf ko, parang ang dating sakanya is nag rreklamo ako. sometimes nag llead pa sa away. and i hate it.

this 31 lang, we get to celebrate new year's salubong together. while he is sleeping, i got the idea of snooping into his cellphone and logged in his fb account to my phone. i saw that he is still stalking her and her mom...

i tried to blocked her mom but then kinabukasan nakita ko nasa search history na naman niya. tangina. gusto ko siyang i-confront but i know na malalaman niyang inaaccess ko fb niya. i hate that i had to do it. i hate that im still so insecure. i hate that im still bothered by his past.

not until kahapon lang, he confronted me about this doing. ofc nagalit siya and i explained everything. i know i completely broke his trust by snooping in. but it was driven by pure insecurity. i should be getting assurances from him but... wala.... sometimes meron pero napaka pilit pa. i am not justifying what i did rather making him understand where im coming from.

it's been 24hrs since he left me on seen. ganito nalang palagi everytime na may awak kami. leaving me hanging. laging nag hahabol. sobrang nakaka anxious. i fucking hate how avoidant he is. so draining. but i cant seem to pull away from this relationship. maghihintay na naman ako ng days and days before i hear a response from him. ni wala akong explanation na narinig from him about sa search history. niya. ang hirap

advice that i need: im thinking of breaking it off. pero hindi ko kaya...

EDIT: he told me na kaya nasa search history niya yon kasi lumalabas daw sa suggestions page niya. i told him na lalabas lang yon pag may mutuals kayo or ikaw mismo ang nag sstalk. tsaka i blocked her mom once, then kinabukasan nasa search history na naman. so he went to find her page and tried to unblock her.