Just tired

I wouldn’t wish emetophobia on my worst enemy. I have been dealing with this for 20 years! I take all the medicine I can for it. Every single emotion feels like n*. I ate a frozen pizza probably like 6 hours ago and I’ve had a burning feeling in my stomach since. I just can’t relax. I find it impossible to cope with the idea of getting sick at any point in my life even though that sounds crazy. I went through morning sickness like a champ with both my kids. I don’t understand this fear but it keeps me from leaving the house, I question every thing I eat or drink, I’m terrified of my kids getting sick, I’m literally never content. I spend a sad amount of time a day just panicking. Even typing this I’m like wow that sounds so dumb but yet I won’t lay down because I’m to scared. I don’t know if I have a point I’m just tired of this fear and what it can cause me to feel. Sometimes I think I fear the feeling of being scared more than anything