i’ve never kissed someone i truly liked, anyone else?

i’m 21 and i’ve had my “first kiss” at the age of 20 with some random guy i met on grindr, to whom i also lost my virginity in that same night, and he told me i was a good kisser so that’s good i guess. after that i hooked up with a few other guys, mostly because i wanted to feel sexy and desired rather than because i found them hot or because i wanted to have sex. it was mostly a validation thing.

lately i’ve been thinking that i’ve never kissed someone i liked, or someone i was attracted to, or someone i actually wanted to kiss. like this one guy from college i had a huge crush on, but he had a girlfriend so it wasn’t gonna happen.

idk i just feel kinda empty i guess? all my friends both straight and gay have kissed their “romantic interests” or at least people they were into. and when i think about it, if i hadn’t hooked up with these random ass guys from grindr, i wouldn’t have kissed anyone ever. it just doesn’t happen “organically” like it does for my straight friends.

i know i’m still young and all, but i feel like i’m missing out. maybe i’ve watched too many movies, but i’d like to meet a guy and fall in love and then kiss and feel like that magical first kiss everyone talks about. and the same goes for sex, never had sex with someone i liked or was attracted to or had a connection with.

i guess i just wanted to share and hear other’s thoughts and experiences. sorry for the wall of text.