sigh

It’s gone so downhill. My friend randomly gave me an eighth out of nowhere the other day, and as much as I tried to resist, the old me broke through and I took the gift. The past two days I have gone back to my old habits. If I weren’t writing this now I would continue what I have been doing but I am now trying to take the time to ground myself again, because why? Why did I have to take it? Why couldn’t I resist? Why is my discipline so weak?

I threw two weeks away sober and I feel like my brain fog has come back even though I have smoked twice only. I also struggle with binge eating disorder and smoking amplifies it in the worst way possible, which it did. I am going to try my best to get rid of the remaining weed I have because I just know that if I keep it- it will always be in the back of my head to smoke it if I even experience a minor inconvenience or I am just trying to feel ~something~.