I hate her, genuinely

Today's my birthday. I'm 18. My mum came. It wasn't for me, since she came with my brother to pick some things up. Mum was outside with my aunt. They didn't come inside, or talk, they just stood outside and smoked while my brother rummaged around the house. I listened to a little of their conversation from the upstairs window.

Mum kept apologising to my aunt, saying "I just can't go inside". We had a fight last month. She was left to take care of me while my dad was out. She was telling me some "home truths", about my autism, about my self harm, etc. She said I shouldn't rely on my dad -my literal carer- for food, lifts and support. That it's not fair on my dad. I told her some "home truths" too: that she's a shite mother, she never cared when was she actually here and she's a negligent, judgmental hag.

She must be so traumatised by my vile words. She must be so traumatised from threatening to leave me in a huff while I was having a panic attack, knowing I wouldn't be safe alone. It must've sucked to hear me sobbing, sitting on the driveway in just my socks, begging for my dad to come home while she smoked her cigarette. It must've sucked lying to that police officer, saying I was throwing a fit over nothing. I'm sure she's just traumatised.

She left a single present at the door. A camera my dad literally picked out for her to get me. Nothing from my aunt, or my brother, or my nana. You know how grannies are; they love birthdays. They're always ecstatic about spoiling their grandkids. She always gets me tons. But I got nothing, not even a card from her. I'm convinced mum's turned the whole family against me. I feel awful.

Also, the chihuahua she keeps in her purse all the time shares the same birthday with me. While my mum doesn't want to see her daughter on her 18th, I'm sure she's throwing a huge party for that overgrown rat. How sad is that?