Emotional dump

My sister lost her life long battle to mental health on Monday at 31 years old.

There is nothing I can say or do. There is nothing anyone can say or do. I just feel like I need to write down my emotions and my thoughts.

My older sister, my only sibling, took her life on Monday. There was so much more I could have done for her. She did everything for me. If I ever needed help, she was always there. You were so special; you had so much to offer and so much life to live. I am devastated beyond belief. This hurts. It hurts like no other pain. I don’t know how to navigate my life without you.

I’m angry, and I’m upset. There was no note, no apology, nothing to tell me that I’ll be okay or that you’re at peace with your decision. I feel selfish for how much of my grief is self-pity, for focusing on my loss rather than hers—what life she no longer has.

I feel guilty even eating something, like, why should I be able to eat this when she can’t ever eat again? I know it sounds irrational, but my brain is just all over the place.

May my big sis rest in eternal peace. I love you so much. x

-bro x