Metas don't know I exist

I am not debating whether or not it's ethical as partner and metas all have very DADT relationships. Not debating the validity or anything of the sort.

I just want to know if it makes sense that FOR ME it doesn't feel good to be in a poly relationship where other partners don't know I exist. I know they exist because basic info on how many partners and time commitment is important for me to know to start a relationship. I didn't know they were DADT though. And now I know that's something I should ask first but now I'm in love so here we are lol. I am sincerely debating exiting the relationship because this doesn't feel good to me to be completely unknown. My partner has no idea if one of his most serious relationships has any other partners either. They communicate if/when they have a new unprotected sexual partner but other wise his partner could be monogamous for all I know and he knows lol. I don't have a desire to change his relationships I just want to know if I'm crazy I'm not really wanting to be in a relationship where my metas don't know I exist lol