How do manage your anger?

It has gotten very bad. I know what he does is not his fault, but I am on the edge here. He has being destroying EVERYTHING in the house. There is not a single thing, including me and my cat, that has not being bitten, chewed, peed on, or else. There is not a single animal in out neighborhood that he didn't try to bite.

He has separation anxiety and is on meds. I tried rehoming him to someone who is constantly home, but no one would take him since he needs a lot of expensive meds to stay healthy and happy and he can not be around any other animals. He knew our cat since he was a puppy, but he would still sometimes attack even her.

Dog trainers refuse to take him untill his epilepsy is under control. But it seems like it never will. I've spent around 2 k on tests alone and found no source of his epilepsy. Plus It is 300$ a months on meds. I no longer have money to replace gadgets and furniture he destroyed. When there was absolutely nothing on the floor or the walls withing his reach, he simply started destroying the floor and the walls. They now have holes.

And I can not put him in the cage since he gets seizures when he is inside.

Yiu may not believe me, but i try so, so hard. Since the meds that help him the most are not sold in my country, I order them from another country. They can only be transported by a doctor, so I hire a doctor.

Almost all of my income goes to his treatment and in over a year only last month he didn't have a seizure every week.

For month I was sleep deprived. He would not let me sleep as he'd whine non-stop unless i doted over him. Now i am just so used to noises, i sleep like a dead man. I do not hear my phone or people knocking on the door. We (me and our 3rd vet) are still to find anxiety pills that'll help him.

Today was the last straw. He just destroyed a baby-lock to open a wardrobe to get to my purse to eat a zephyr I forgot there. The purse is nearly gone. It was the last one.

I know it's my fault. I know he would chew up a door if it meant getting to food. But gooooods. This is so exhausting. I constantly have to be vigilant, I can not relax even for a second. I have locks and baby locks on all of my wardrobes, since he would chew on anything he can possibly find. I have to keep absolutely everything either locked or around 1 meter up, since that is how high he can reach. I can not leave out even soap, since he tried to eat soap and he chewed on detergent bottles he took out of the cupboard. I have to keep him on short leash and in muzzle on every walk - he hates kids, cats and would try to attack plastic bags and eat cat 💩.

Sometimes i want to throw him out or beat him up. I do not like those thoughts. I do not have money to go to another city for a dog trainer ans none in my area would take him.

I barely have enough for his treatment. It is so expensive. My house is a mess because I have no time or energy to clean it up. I have 2 jobs, otherwise I would not be able to afford living.

People keep telling me to put him down. How can I? Because his health costs too much? Or because his brain is all screwed? Or because he was clearly abused and beaten as a puppy before my family found him?

When I am home he is so loving and calm. They are NO well paying "from-home" jobs where I'm at. I looked for a dog nanny, but there is no one in my price range who'd agree to take care of him. Dog cares refuse to take him due to his aggression issues (he has chronic pain and would get aggressive without provocation).

He is so afraid of stranger's hands, he would scream and get very frantic if someone tries to get near him. I want him to be happy, but it is so hard. I get so angry.

I yelled at him and threw stuff that he destroyed on the ground near him, scaring him. I almost hit him. I WANTED to hit him.

I was abused as a kid. I don't want to be like my dad, but I am always so tired and anger comes way too easily.