It's a hell of a thing

Unrepentant L post. Quintessentially redscare, isn't it? Gotta keep things grounded and human instead of just political astroturfing all the time. Those topics get stale, and petty

This winter hasn't exactly been easy

Between getting post traumatic stress from military service, an awful backstab from someone close, losing someone I loved, it was difficult. I'd cried enough about it. The night is darkest before the dawn. But I thought it was going to get better, right?

No

Not even close

It happened in a meeting a week ago. The actual events almost felt like a Looney Tunes bit. Our boss's boss dragged us all to a stupid meeting around one fifteen on a Tuesday. A few minutes before it began, my chest started to hurt, and hurt more as the meeting went on. In comical fashion I leaned in to whisper to my coworker "I don't feel so good, I'm having chest pain" then keeled over. Next thing I know I was in the ER. The doctors did their tests, MRIs, CT scans, blood draws, EKGs, ultrasounds, things you don't really understand. They disagreed on what it was. One said it was acid reflux, another said it was some sort of cartilage thing. Another asked if I'd been sick or vaccinated recently, I said yes to both just around New Year's, and they were suddenly worried. Each lab and test was put on rush faster than the last, the doctors more concerned the more they read the results. It was all Greek to me as I tried to sleep in a slightly too cold bedroom

They asked their questions. Did I drink much, no, was I on drugs, no, did I smoke or vape, no, did I drink caffeine, no, did I exercise, yes usually four times a week, did I eat a balanced diet, of course. They took all of those as a bad sign. Now I know why

About a day later, the doctors had a diagnosis. Their initial one may have been incorrect. The head of cardiology wanted to talk to me, personally. Right. That's normal. The creeping dread kept me company through the night, poisoning any fleeting sleep with nightmares. Finally, he was available after what felt like forever. He was an older man who was clearly a very stern, no nonsense type. We talked for a while

The actual discussion was something of a blur. When a hardass no-shit doctor softens up and starts saying things like "I'm sorry" or "Not immediately life threatening, but will likely..." and "You should tell your family" followed by "What's important is that we caught it early," your mind goes places. They put me on enough medication to cure the black death and scheduled a slew of invasive tests to try to figure out how to treat the issue

And now I just have to live with this, in limbo until they decide if I need to go under the knife or not

All of twenty three years old and my heart is faltering. My birthday is in a month and a half

It's a hell of a thing