My biggest insecurity

It’s my face. I’ve been publicly shamed for my looks multiple times, to the point that even my cousin said I look unattractive and that I’ve ruined my face. I have a little bit of acne, but it’s not severe by any means. I also have a weak jawline, even though I’ve been practicing mewing since 2021 (trust me, that doesn’t work). I’m not fat or skinny—I’m somewhere in between, as I’ve been working out for about 1.5 years. However, I’m thinking about not renewing my gym membership soon.

Now, you might call me an asshole for this, but there’s a girl in my arts division who is overweight and not conventionally attractive. She constantly tells her friends that all the boys on campus are madly in love with her. This same girl said she would rather die than be with me. (That genuinely broke my heart, even though I wasn’t attracted to her.) Another girl made a negative comment about my looks when her friend pointed in my direction. (I know they were talking about me since I was the only one standing there.) A female acquaintance in my class once told me to my face that I look like a creep. I don’t even remember why she said that. Random passersby, both men and women, often stare at my face, and some even give me disgusted looks.

All of this is leaving a negative impact on my mental state, as I have to endure it every single day. On a serious note, I don’t even have any facial deformities—I just look like an average, regular man. Why do I have to go through all this? If I kill myself, would they even feel sorry for me? If I did, wouldn’t my blood be on their hands? What can I do to make my situation better? Please, any advice would be appreciated.