Emptiness

Is it supposed to feel like this? Just like a big black hole swallowing me into darkness?

I don't blame anyone. I don't hold it against you.

I just feel like darkness is trying to pull me down. I don't want to look desperate. I am not out there looking for someone. Maybe this was just a little crack for you, but for me it brought down the wooden walls I've been trying to patch myself with.

I had found someone. I felt hope. I felt a deep connection with someone. And now that someone is choosing to walk out of my life without a word.

Was it me? Did I screw things up. Do you see me as a creep that wanted to pretend was your friend? I don't. I found things in common with you. I admired you, I still do. I genuinely was curious about what you do and the times I talked to you felt good, It felt authentic and from the heart.

Why did it have to happen this way? Am I just not good enough for you?

Damn it.. now I wish I could have your friendship to sort things out.

Here I am, lying on the floor tearing up and just wondering when is it going to end. What can I do to stop feeling this black hole. It would mean a lot if you reach out, just like one of those days that I reached out and hoped you replied back.

Guess it's not gonna happen. This is stupid, I am worthless, I am so pathetic.

I guess putting myself out there and making my soul bare to you didn't matter. Not a little bit.

I don't even know how I will end this letter

I just wish you'd love me, unconditionally and from afar

Even as a friend